A black dress covered in sequins for New Year's Eve.
50% off. A lining that guaranteed I'd feel 10 pounds slimmer.
It seemed like such a good idea that I even bought jewelry to match.
And standing there in the dressing room, everything certainly seemed fine. Actually, I don't ever just STAND in a dressing room when I'm trying on potential "harp clothes." I sit down and stretch my arms forward to make sure I can move. I squat to make sure I don't split anything out when I lift and load the harp. I twist around to make sure I have enough give in the sleeves to quickly turn pages of music on the stand in front of me. I bend down in front of the mirror to make sure nothing is...ahem...visible...from all sorts of angles. Then I jump up and down a little, just for fun. Dressing room monitors must love it when I try on clothes. Anyway, the dress passed the tests.
Well, here's what they don't tell you in Vogue or InStyle or Glamour about wearing sequins - they're itchy as heck. They slice you around the neck. They scratch up your inner arms when you walk or lift them to play. They catch each other making for some awkward movements while you're trying to detach them without ripping your dress mid-song. They shed - all over the floor around you like confetti while you play.
And that lining? It didn't make me feel slimmer. After about 20 minutes of playing, it made me feel like I was being swallowed by a huge spandex python. Worse, the lining started rolling up on itself. Then it started riding up my legs.
And up. And up. See what I mean?
The dangerous thing about playing the harp is that you hold the thing between your knees so you kinda need your legs covered to a point to prevent things from becoming x-rated. And dinner at Naniboujou is a family event, people. So I took a couple of breaks from the harp and hid in the hallway to readjust things.
So, sequined dress...
...for sitting around and sipping sparkling things, you're ok.
But as a "harp dress," you failed, honey.